That effing mustache!
by LongliveA.Monk
Summary: Based off the final episode of Brotherhood. Why Roy has that -bleeping- mustache!


Based off the final episode of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

_Disclaimer- If I owned FMA, Roy would have NEVER grown that f**king mustache! _

That f**king mustache!

The Flame Alchemist had been hard at work in his home office for some time He'd looked over old reports, testimonies and photographs, searching for the answer he wanted. Currently he was looking back and forth between two photographs.

The door opened. "Roy, have you finished yet? Dinner's ready."

"I've made a breakthrough, my dear." He smiled triumphantly. "I have discovered how I can become Fuhrer."

"A lot of bribing? Blackmail?" she asked sarcastically.

"Nope. Now listen closely: King Bradley was the first Fuhrer. Grumman is the current Fuhrer. Now, what do these two men have in common?"

"They were old men?"

"Close, but no. They both had mustaches."

"…..You cannot be serious."

"I am serious!"

She sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"

"It makes sense doesn't it? A mustache is a sign of manliness and strength. This is what the people want in their leader: strength, power.

"But if that's the case than that means Brigadier General Armstrong (1) is next in line."

"Well then I've got to beat him to it. If he gets it, no matter, I'll be right after him!"

"Good luck with that." She kissed his cheek. "Now come sit down and eat, Mr. Future-Fuhrer."

-A few months later-

As Roy walked down the halls of Central Headquarters, many soldiers commented on his new mustache. The most frequent things said were:

"Did you lose a bet?"

"Are you Roy's evil twin?"

"Don't move! There are two poisonous caterpillars right under your nose!"

"Oh no! The dastardly villain has appeared! He must be the one who tied the beautiful girl to the railroad tracks!"

And if course:

"Shave it."

Roy tried to ignore them or fake-laugh them off at first, but now it was getting old. Even his team hadn't stopped with their comments.

"I swear to God, I've seen it move on its own!" Fuery commented one day while everyone was working.

Roy gave him a look. "You're hi-LA-rious."

"I think it he is, and I agree." Havoc commented with a smirk. "It's alive!"

"And we may have proof," Falman, visiting from Briggs, piped in. "Al took a picture of him during the ceremony."

"You do realize that if Ed sees that picture, he will never let you live it down, right?" Breda said.

The dark haired general frowned. "So what? I'll be the one laughing when I'm in charge!"

"Everyone else will be laughing too; but not with you, AT you." Havoc said, leaning further back in his chair.

He frowned again. "I hope you fall."

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxX

The door to the Mustang household shut, and Roy leaned against it with a sigh.

"Rough day? Again?" Riza, who had gone straight home from the ceremony, asked as she walked toward him.

"Every single person I encountered either makes a stupid comment or gives me a look. I'm sick of it." He smiled. "But at least I have you my sweet." He leaned in to kiss her.

She put her hand on his mouth. "Roy, I have to agree with everyone else. Shave it. Or your lips will not touch mine for a while." She walked off.

Roy stood there, dumbfounded. "…..fantastic….even my own wife!"

He sighed once again. He hung his coat up and walked to the living room, where baby coos were heard from a bright blue bassinet. The flame alchemist smiled. "Ahh, the one person who won't make fun of me." He walked over to it. "Hello my little boy. Did you miss your daddy?" He picked up the squirming child.

The baby looked at him and recoiled in shock. He then burst out into loud crying.

"Don't cry! It's just daddy! See?" He smiled at him.

The baby cried even louder.

"What's wrong?" Riza walked over to them.

Roy turned to her, looking upset. "My own son doesn't recognize me."

"Then shave it." She said as she took the little boy from his arms. The baby clung to her in fright, happy that his mother had saved him from the strange man.

-A little while later-

The dark haired baby giggled as he put his hands on Roy's cheeks and lips.

Riza smiled. "Now everyone's happy." She kissed the General's cheek.

"Yeah yeah," He rolled his eyes. "I guess the mustache idea was stupid."

"You guess?"

"All right, I get it now! But I will become Fuhrer someday." He turned to the baby boy. "You believe in me, don't you Maes (2)?"

Maes cooed and puts his hands on his cheeks.

Roy grinned. "And I'll do with a clean face."

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxX

Meanwhile, in the Elric household, Ed was grinning ear to ear as he looked at a photograph of a certain black haired alchemist.

"Blaaaaaaaackmaaaaaiilll…"

XxxxxxxXxxxxxxX

(1) You know he had to rise up at least three ranks for beating up a homunculus with his bare fists!

This is also based off a conversation I had with a friend of mine. I told him about the premise for the fanfiction and he said basically what says.

(2) Yes, I know, everyone does this sort of thing but I couldn't help it!


End file.
